Right now
Stay calm. Make space. Get help.
Someone is escalating: at the counter, in the parking lot, at the meeting, outside the church door. This is a situation to manage from a respectful distance, not a contest to win. You are never obligated to calm another adult down.
By Dan Whelan, founder of New World Survival
Researched from government agencies, university extension services, and other published sources. See our sources
Read the situation first
Behavior against the setting, judged continuously
What you are actually judging
Rely on observable signs of aggression, compared against what is typical for that place. A raised voice at a ballgame is Tuesday; the same voice in a dentist's waiting room is a signal. Rising volume, clenched posture, pacing, refusing to let something go when everyone else has moved on. Judge the behavior, never the person: federal guidance is explicit that concern rests on facts, not on race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age, or disability.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
Keep assessing as it moves
Assessment is not a one-time read. The questions stay open the whole time: is a threat present, is it growing or fading, and how might this person react if someone approaches? The answers decide whether anyone talks to them at all.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
If violence looks imminent
Call 911. The moment weapons, specific threats, or physical aggression enter the picture, this stops being a de-escalation page. Move yourself and others away and let dispatch take it from there. If it becomes an active attack, our active shooter guide covers the three responses.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
If you choose to engage
The limits come before the techniques
CISA's guidance leads with a boundary, not a script: your safety and the safety of others is the highest priority, engage only if it is safe to do so, and know your limits. People who do this well do it with training. If that is not you, making space and getting help is the whole job.
Act with purpose
Stay calm, and let your calm be visible. Respect personal space; crowding an agitated person escalates them. If the setting itself is feeding the heat, an audience, a cramped lobby, suggest moving, and listen more than you talk. Active listening is the technique; everything else supports it.
Communicate with empathy
Watch your tone and your volume; matching an angry voice doubles it. Choose words carefully, slow your pace, and keep your inflection level. You are lending the person your composure until theirs comes back.
Let your body say the same thing
A relaxed but alert stance. Hands down, open, and visible. Slow, deliberate movement, and a neutral, attentive expression. Crossed arms, pointed fingers, and sudden reaches all argue with whatever your words are saying.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
When to stop trying
Disengaging is the plan working
If a hostile act is imminent or already underway, remove yourself and the people with you, get to safety, and report to law enforcement once you are safe. Walking away from a conversation that is going nowhere is not failure; it is the assessment doing its job.
The same applies before you ever engage. If your read says this person may react badly to being approached, believe your read. Distance and a phone call beat courage every time this subject is studied.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
Afterward
Report facts, not conjecture
What gets reported: the behaviors you saw and the words you heard, any threats made, the person's identity if you know it, confrontational actions or attempts to slip past security, and any grievance you know about. What does not: your theory of what kind of person they are.
With no immediate threat, use the reporting channel the place already has: a supervisor, security, the school office, the church board. People planning targeted violence often show concerning behavior over time, visible to the people around them, which is why an accurate report of one strange afternoon matters more than it feels like it does.
Source: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (2025)
Before it ever happens
The Power of Hello
OHNO: four letters, one habit
CISA teaches frontline staff, greeters, and volunteers a framework called OHNO: Observe, initiate a Hello, Navigate the risk, and Obtain help. A warm, direct greeting does two jobs at once. It serves the ordinary visitor, and it tells anyone with bad intentions that this place notices people.
Source: CISA Conflict Prevention, Power of Hello
Put the one-pager where your people are
CISA's free De-escalation Action Guide condenses everything on this page into a printable sheet. Front desks, ushers, coaches, and shift leads are the natural audience. One short read, before anything ever happens, is the entire cost.
Source: CISA, accessed October 25, 2026
Keep going
Go deeper on what matters next
Sources: CISA De-escalation Action Guide (January 2025 edition), CISA Conflict Prevention and Power of Hello (Office for Bombing Prevention and physical security program). All safety claims verified against primary sources. Last reviewed October 25, 2026.
This guide is not professional security or crisis intervention advice. It is a plain-language starting point, and nothing in it obliges anyone to approach a person who frightens them.